The Swimwear Horrors
by Kaygi
Summary: Finding the perfect bathing suit is much easier said than done. What with the different styles, fabrics, patterns, colors and body types, so much can go wrong! Therefore, it can be a girl's worst nightmare. Random drabbling oneshot. R&R please!


A/n- Just a random drabble... I couldn't sleep and I had had WAY too much caffeine. So, I typed this and yeah!

**The Swimwear Horrors**

Summer was coming and boy, was it coming fast! In only a matter of days, the Azu gang would be going to the beach. And when visiting a large body of water, the need for swimwear is inevitable. But, getting a bathing suit is much easier said than done. What with the different styles, fabrics, patterns, colors and body types, so much can go wrong! Therefore, it can be a girl's worst nightmare.

On this particular day, the Azumanga girls had all filed into the gargantuan department store. From the looks of the displays, it was apparently summer. Beach balls, rafts, sand toys, sandals, shorts, beach umbrellas, boogie boards and the infamous bathing suits were on display in every nook and cranny of the place. You couldn't escape without being tempted to buy something or without smacking into a beach bum mannequin.

"Hey, why don' we git a keyack?" Osaka remarked, eyeing an impressive display of kayaks and paddles. "Then, we could go keyackin'."

"What the hell is 'keyackin'?" Tomo said, imitating Osaka's strange, almost Southern accent perfectly.

"Keyackin,'" Osaka repeated, as if it was obvious what she was trying to say.

"Sounds like it's French for kinky..." Yomi commented. She then did an anime fall onto the shiny, tiled floor along with Sakaki, Kagura, and Tomo. Apparently, Chiyo was too naive and Osaka was too stupid to grasp the meaning.

After regaining composure, the group ventured further into the danger zone. They were daring enough to head towards the Juniors' section and look at it from only a few feet away.

There it was. The vast sea of infinite bathing suits. They could go in with high hopes, only to have them crushed, or they could come out winning the jackpot. All winter, they had worked out and dieted, waiting for this very moment. Well, at least, Yomi had. It was all up to fate now...

They plunged into the ocean racks and displays. Instead of sticking together, they took on the philosophy "Divide and Conquer." This way they might escape some cruel judgment and criticism from each other, which was highly unlikely. Although, it might help them escape the annoying persistence of salespeople, who were supposedly there to "help you." It was more like they were there to shove products in your arms and con you into buying them. It was better to create more targets rather than one large group target.

"Chiyo? What are you doing in here? You have to go to the Kids' Section," Tomo commented, pointing to the section across the way.

"I'm scared to go by myself..." she squeaked sadly. Even her perky pigtails seemed to droop in defeat.

"You're such a baby," Tomo complained, turning her attention to a rack of suits.

"I'll go with you, Chiyo," Sakaki, who had overheard them talking, offered.

"Thank you, Miss Sakaki," Chiyo said, positively beaming at Sakaki. They walked over to the much less intimidating Kids' Section.

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"Bathin' suit shoppin's weird," Osaka said, quite randomly. "We didn' do no bathin' suit shoppin' back 'n Oh-saw-ka."

"Why not?" Kagura questioned, interested in Osaka's answer. Knowing her, it would be something completely out of the blue.

"'Cuz we'd jus go dubble-dippin' in our bir'day suits," she replied, seriously.

"You mean skinny dipping, right?" Kagura said, correcting her. Hopefully, that wasn't what Osaka had meant. Osaka and skinny dipping? That seemed really unlikely.

"No, dubble-dippin'!" she exclaimed.

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"Hey! Over here!" Yomi cried out to Sakaki, who had just returned from the Kids' Section. "They have Neko Koneko printed bikinis!"

Hearing the words "Neko Koneko" highly peaked Sakaki's interest. She dashed over from the mediocre tankinis she had been eyeing for the past 15 minutes.

"Wow..." Sakaki whispered, standing in awe of the rack. There were tons of Neko Koneko suits to choose from. Pink, green, blue, purple suits with grey, orange, blonde cats and other animals in tankinis, bikinis, and more... She was in heaven.

After several moments of musing and debating, it all came down to either a blue bikini with orange cats or a pink tankini with grey cats. Which one? This was a very critical decision. Therefore, she brought out the ultimate weapon used to make decisions when you were being indecisive- Eenie Meanie Miny Mo.

_"Eenie Meanie Miny Mo... Catch a tiger by..."_

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Kagura stood next to Tomo, who was looking at the same rack of suits as her. Out of sheer temptation that she had tried to resist, she poked Tomo's floppy arm. It felt like Jell-O and even jiggled a little.

"You should really tone up those muscles, Tomo," Kagura suggested, in all seriousness.

"They're toned! Enough..." Tomo argued.

"No guy is going to look at a girl with floppy legs and shapeless arms," Kagura warned.

"Says who?" Tomo inquired, her level of tolerance decreasing as her anger increased.

"Every guy!" Kagura yelled. "At least I have a perfectly toned, athletic body." She struck a pose as if she were a teenage supermodel at a photo shoot.

"Well, I have..." Tomo stopped to think.

"Exactly," Kagura retorted with a cruel laugh.

"I still have a hotter body!" Tomo said, desperately trying to defend her honor. "Right, Osaka?"

Osaka came out of her usual daze at the mention of her name.

"Uh...Yeh! Hotta' then a three-dolla' pistol!" she commented.

Both Kagura and Tomo stopped in the midst of they argument to give the all-too-common "WTF?" expression that usual followed any statement coming out of Osaka's mouth. Where did this girl come up with this stuff? Were all people from Osaka this strange and air headed?

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Yomi, who had been the first to rush into the dressing room, soon came out in a lime green one piece suit. She began to turn around in front of the full-length mirror, getting looks at the different angles of her body. Tomo walked in and saw her doing this.

"I see you're going for a one piece this year," Tomo commented, standing behind Yom.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" Yomi said, hostilely. She knew Tomo's signature criticism and jokes were coming soon...

"I guess you failed another diet..." she said.

"Gerrrr..." Yomi growled through clenched teeth with a glare entering her eyes.

"At least you won't have all of that blubber hanging like last year in your bikini," Tomo said, looking up the "brighter side." "I almost thought you were a beluga whale. I would have needed to call the Coast Guard to return you to the Arctic."

That was the last straw! Yomi had had enough of Tomo's constant reminders of her weigh problems! That little instigator... She grabbed Tomo by the collar of her polo shirt.

"Say one more word and I'll drown you in a place that no lifeguard can save you," Yomi said in a low, deadly voice.

"Chill, Yomi, chill," Tomo said, as a big sweat drop formed on her head. Yomi let in a deep breath and released her. "You should really think of joining anger management classes... and Jenny Craig."

Yomi glared.

"Oops, did you already try that? From the looks of it, that failed, too," Tomo teased.

Yomi's glaring eyes turned a bright red.

Tomo knew that was her cue to start running, and that she did.

Yomi then began chasing her around with an inner tube she had grabbed off a display.

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All of the girls had finally found some good contenders to try on. They all came out of their dressing rooms. Yomi was in a purple striped one piece, while Kagura was sporting a lime green, Hawaiian-flowered tankini. Osaka had decided to try an orange one piece, but Tomo showed more skin in her blue and green striped tankini and boy shorts. Sakaki wore a light blue bikini with a whimsical orange Neko Koneko kitty dancing all over it, while Chiyo was more conservative in her sparkly pink one piece embellished with a single grey Neko Koneko kitty. All suits seemed to be real winners.

"Hey! I just thought of something!" Tomo cried out in excitement.

In unison, the other girls groaned. Well, except for Osaka, who was too busy observing and conversing with air particles. Tomo and her "brilliant" ideas were usually completely bizarre and downright stupid...

"Anyway," Tomo said, choosing to ignore them and continue her announcement. "Instead of being confused by bra sizes, they should measure boobs in fruit! 'Cause everyone knows how big fruits are!"

"Oh no. Here we go..." Yomi complained.

"Sakaki has the biggest boobs. Therefore, she has cantaloupes," Tomo said, pointing at Sakaki's well-endowed chest.

Sakaki shyly blushed at this.

"Then, Yomi, she had mangoes," Tomo continued. "But, if she lost some weight, she'd downsize to oranges."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that!" Yomi said, steaming with anger.

"Next up, me!" Tomo exclaimed cheerily. "I sadly have plums... Wish I had cantaloupes... I think you sucked up most of my boobs, Sakaki."

"Or maybe you're just flat-chested," Yomi mumbled.

"I'm sorry! What was that!" Tomo exclaimed, sarcastically and angrily.

"Just continue you're "life-changing" philosophy..." Yomi said, annoyed.

"Moving on," Tomo said, eyeing Yomi. "Osaka had grapes."

"Jus' make sure they ain't sour grapes... Them things is more nasty 'an a mud fence," Osaka commented.

"Which fruit am I?" Chiyo asked, cheerily.

"You're raisins," Tomo said, coming down to Chiyo's level.

"Can't I be strawberries?" Chiyo suggested. "They're my favorite..."

"No."

"But, I like str..." Chiyo said, sadly. Tears began to form in her eyes.

"Try again in a couple of years, kid," Tomo said, patting Chiyo sympathetically on the head.

"Hey!" Kagura yelled. "You forgot me!"

"Oh," Tomo said, in disgust. She looked down at Kagura's chest. "You have apples..."

"Whoa!" Kagura exclaimed in protest. "These are definitely worthy of being mangoes!"

"Save your whining for Dr. Phil," Tomo shouted. She hastily and haughtily marched back into her dressing room and slammed the door.

"Who peed in her Honey Nut Cheerios this morning?" Yomi said.

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In the end, the girls bought the suits they had tried on when Tomo announced her "philosophy." They were all set for a summer of quality beach time and partaking in various water activities available at any body of water. All in all, the whole shopping experience hadn't been so bad. Maybe it wasn't such a nightmare...

**-Fin-**

**A/n**- Haha! How'd you like that? I had SO MUCH FUN writing this! I slipped in several inside jokes I share with my friends. Maybe that's why I love Azumanga Daioh so much... It's so crazy and they remind me so much of my friends... I, myself, would be Yomi. I'm not obsessed with losing weight, but I have the brains and I get ticked off at my friend, who is like Tomo, a lot. Well, PLEASE REVIEW! Construction criticism is always appreciated! XD


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